


An appology can't fix it

by Donkeyk18



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, F/F, Romance, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-19
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-18 01:15:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2329886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donkeyk18/pseuds/Donkeyk18
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The reaper war was long and costly. Liara knows this better than any one. a short oneshot that looks at an exchange between her and Shepard as Liara struggles to come to terms with the new reality.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An appology can't fix it

…3:15am…….. ………….3:16am…. ……………3:17am…………………………………………..the holo-clock ticked over slowly as it maintained a silent vigil over the room. Liara lay with her head turned towards the clock as it rested on the soft pillow, her body tucked into itself in the foetal position. Motionless, she remained observing the time as it progressed. Liara blinked slowly. She couldn’t think when was the last time she had had a full night sleep. Her eyes closed and opened again, in sync, slowly and with a certain purpose, the clock never disappearing from view for long.

Liara didn’t move, as if she were frozen, she and her gaze remained fixed. She listened to the noises around here. There were none. She tried to hear any sounds far beyond her bed, beyond the door, down the corridor, floors below and floors above…as far as she could possibly think to hear. But there was nothing. There were no lonely footsteps wondering the halls, no sounds of distant bombing, no crashing, screaming, sounds of gun fire .There were no sparking electrical cables laying damaged across the floor, there were no radio’s crackling. The reaper war had been long, it had been costly and it had left its mark on every one.

The clock rolled over to a new number, Liara continued to watch it intently, the sheets covering Liara moved ever so gently up and down as Liara breathed steadily.

Liara wondered what the commander was doing. She couldn’t remember very well, in fact not at all but she was in her own cabin on the Normandy, when rationally she should be with Shepard in the captain’s cabin. Liara sat up, the sheets slipping off her and into a puddle at her feet. Liara stood, having decided to return to Shepard, with an apology for something…anything no matter what it was. Liara knew where she had to be and whatever it was that had put her in her own cabin could be solved with an apology… it had to. She began heading to the door, stopping mid stride she looked at her reflection in one of the monitors. Liara wore one of Shepards old N7 T-shirts and shorts. Her sleeping cloths were mismatched, and she thought perhaps she should put on something that made her look a little more decent and coordinated.

Liara wondered what the commander was doing. She couldn’t remember very well, in fact not at all but she was in her own cabin on the Normandy, when rationally she should be with Shepard in the captain’s cabin. Liara sat up, the sheets slipping off her and into a puddle at her feet. Liara stood, having decided to return to Shepard, with an apology for something…anything no matter what it was. Liara knew where she had to be and whatever it was that had put her in her own cabin could be solved with an apology… it had to. She began heading to the door, stopping mid stride she looked at her reflection in one of the monitors. Liara wore one of Shepards old N7 T-shirts and shorts. Her sleeping cloths were mismatched, and she thought perhaps she should put on something that made her look a little more decent and coordinated.

Liara looked at her reflection again, it all made sense but at the same time it didn’t. Shepard loved this T-shirt, why would Liara be wearing it. She ran her hand over her body, feeling the fabric. It still smelt like Shepard, and this made Liara smile, but what had happened that she is in her cabin?

Liara pushed the thoughts out of her mind she had her mission, and she came to decide that this mission didn’t need a night gown or even shoes. After all they were all family on the Normandy, and Liara and Shepard’s relationship wasn’t a secret any more.

Liara walked passed her sea of monitors and exited her cabin. The mess-hall was completely deserted, and the space dark. Even the med bay was lights out. Liara walked with purpose to the elevator and punched in the code for the Captains floor, she entered and watched the doors close in front of her. Whatever it was it didn’t matter. Where ever Shepard was that was home and Liara was happy.  The lift moved slowly up, Liara chuckled to herself. Shepard always hated the Normandy lift.

Liara leaned against the back of the lift, her eyes hazed over as she slipped away into her thoughts. Liara couldn’t shake the feeling that she hadn’t seen Shepard in a long time. This feeling was almost as irrational as the growing feeling of light inside her. The confusion disappearing as the lift transported her closer to her destination. Liara felt happy and excited, why – wasn’t clear but she reasoned with herself – why not? Liara smiled, she supposed it didn’t have to make sense.

The lift finally reached the captains floor and opened with a gentle hiss, alerting Liara to her arrival.

Liara stepped out of the lift and towards Shepard’s door. Shepard had given Liara her pass key a long time ago. This made Liara always feel welcome. 438*A9**. Even though Liara knew there was no one else around, her practice as the shadow broker molded her to always guard such _sensitive information_. The holographic key-pad turned green and the doors opened. Liara’s shoulders relaxed and the breath she didn’t know she was holding eased out as she entered Shepard’s cabin to find the commander standing in the lounge area of her cabin, sorting pieces of her armor.

Shepard looked up to meet Liara with a broad lopsided smile. The look on Shepard’s face told Liara that Shepard had been waiting for her, wondering when she would get there. Liara paused at the top of the stairs surveying the commander in her Alliance issue cargo’s, black compression shirt and naturally barefooted - surrounded by an ordered mess of armor and mods, an order, known only to the Commander, Shepard looked more like a child with lego’s than a leader of the galaxy. Liara walked cool down the stairs, her hand gliding along the banister, towards Shepard who had since stopped and dropping a detached gauntlet on a pile, began to make her way to Liara, stepping awkwardly over the various scattered pieces.

Liara smiled at the commander, a feeling of pressure growing behind her teeth to begin the conversation, but she didn’t know how… Liara looked closely at Shepard, drinking her lover in with her eyes. Shepard looked as good as ever, full of life and happy. Liara always admired the commander for her ‘can do’ optimism . A positive attitude that could never be slated.

While stepping over a piece of armor that looked like a forearm sliding cover, Shepard slipped, plummeting to the ground in an amazing display of flailing arms and ankles above her head, Shepard landed with a hard thud. The commander didn’t pause, perhaps it was her training or the sheer force of embracement, but as quickly as the commander went down she sprung up off the ground. Blushing slightly, Shepard burst into a hearty laugh that reverberated off the cabin walls, shattering the mellow silence of the room. Liara, successfully stopped herself from laughing out loud at the commander’s blunder but she couldn’t stop the edges of her lips curling up into a broad smile as her insides shook.

Shepard finally reached Liara at the edge of her piles of armor, and took Liara’s hands into her own in a familiar and safe way. Liara looked at Shepard, Liara was so accustomed to Shepard but there was something different…the feeling that Liara hadn’t seen Shepard in a long time returned, something Shepard didn’t seem aware of. The laughter finally dying into a hollow chuckle, Shepard looked at Liara, their eyes fixed.

“Where have you been!?” Liara blurted unexpectedly even to herself.

Shepard’s face tilted to the side as it would if one was confused, but the expression on Shepard’s face wasn’t one of confusion, instead it was empathetic, understanding and a little sad. Shepard pulled Liara in to a tight embrace. Her arms wrapped around the Asari securing her. Liara didn’t resist, she rested her head on Shepard’s shoulder, it felt so right, if there was something wrong, it was unimportant.

The two Normandy crew members stood there, embraced in each other. Liara was safe, and so was Shepard. Liara wrapped her own hands around Shepard, drawing her in. Liara inhaled deeply, committing to memory Shepard’s smell, the feeling of the commander against her. Liara missed this. Liara thought: if time could stop, if they could just remain here, in this moment…

he pair swayed slightly from side to side. Did life have to happen? Did time have to go on? Shepard was the first to move away, but she did so gently, in fact barely creating a space between her and the Asari. Liara looked at the commander who remained calm, composed…neutral…this was her naturally, this was Shepard. Liara, took as much of Shepard in as she could. The thought that she hadnt seen Shepard in such a long time, crept back into her mind, unshakeable. Liara reached up and traced, the old scars on the commander’s face, the slightly newer ones… the way her eyebrows arched up at the end, the way her nose bridged between her green eyes. Liara drank it all in, all so familiar....So human, so beautiful…so Shepard. Liara studied the being in front of her, the strange feeling of having missed out so much, the fear of missing any more, coaxing her to take in every detail…as much detail as she could……

Shepard led Liara to the bed, where she drew the covers on one side and let Liara get in. Shepard sat on the edge of the bed facing Liara. Her expression still calm, her eyes fixed on the Asari. Liara knew this look, it was Shepard’s ‘I love you‘ look; reserved for Liara, and Liara alone. Shepard didn’t speak, she didn’t need to. Everything that Shepard needed to say was in her eyes. Liara read them knowingly. ‘I’m sorry’, ‘I tried my best, I tried for you…I tried for us’, ‘I love you….I will always love you…’.

Liara looked at Shepard longingly, ‘come to me, lay with’ her own eyes said. But Shepard didn’t, Shepard remained seated on the edge of the bed, focused on Liara. A sadness growing over the commander but at the same time there was a resounding peace that echoed from her, one that Liara felt, identified but couldn’t quite rationalize. Liara felt a wave of anxiety build in her chest, a choking panic that she just couldn't express, but couldn't stop feeling either - but she was with Shepard, everything was going to be okay. As long as she was with Shepard she it was always going to be okay. Liara reassured herself with these thoughts, trying her best to quell the tightness in her chest.

Shepard raised her left hand and brushed it gently against Liara’s cheek. The Asari didn’t move. Shepard didn’t speak, Liara looked upwards, a plead in her body, in her soul.

“Don’t leave me” Liara whispered, panic setting in once again. Shepard only smiled - that Shepard smile, her gaze even softer, her eyes still fixed…

Liara’s eyes began to feel heavy, she didn’t want to sleep. Shepard continued to brush her cheek, gently, soothingly… guiding Liara towards some kind of serenity. Liara blinked slowly, it was becoming more and more difficult to stay awake. Liara couldn’t understand why, but she began to worry that she wouldn’t see Shepard again, it was irrational, she would see the commander when she woke up…Liara was tired. The asari did her best to stay awake...but it had all been just so long. The irrational fear growing tighter in her chest, the remedy was to speak, to say to Shepard what she feared she wouldn’t get a chance to say. Liara's breathing quickened. She tried to search in herself for the strength to speak. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Liara exhaled. She was losing the battle, she was so tired. She wanted to speak; she had so many things to say… but, she had no energy to say it… a gripping, searing choking in her chest. Her heart under duress, her mind trying to rationalise these emotions. ….

Shepard leaned in and kissed Liara on the forehead... .... goodbye? …but she was helpless, she looked at Shepard who stayed unfairly calm, still smiling with some secret knowledge. The commander sat, looking so well and full of life, still, watching Liara.

Liara inhaled deeply and exhaled, her eyes closing once more…they didn’t open again… She had lost the battle. She could still feel the commanders hand on her cheek….............. 'Shepard wait' her mind screamed...........Shepard's hand moved slowly, consistently… 'Shepard Wait!' Liara screamed in her mind, she could still feel the commanders callused fingers on her soft skin……………………it moved slowly………………………………. 'Im coming....' Liara made a deal.....she just needed to sleep for a little while........... ..................................the feeling of Shepard's hand began to feel distant……………………………………………………………………the further Liara drifted, the less she felt……………………………………………………………………..Liara’s mind rang, she went back on her deal............ she willed herself to hold on………………………………………..she tried so hard to remember………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

 

 

 

4:05am………………..

Liara’s eyes opened slowly onto an all too familiar scene. She was choking, she couldn’t breathe……..but she didn’t moved…………she stayed very still…………………………her chest now heaving…………….her eyes burning as a red hot sadness burst through………………………….Shepard was dead, Liara was alone….Liara heaved, the pain of this heart shattering truth completely unbearable but still not enough to send her on her way………Shepard!!! Liara’s mind screamed out in agony as the Asari clenched her sheets, curling further into herself, her body racked with each sob…………she cannot breath it hurt to much…………

4:08am………………….

Liara is alone… her world is dark…………4:10am……………………………………..

4:14am…………………………………………………………………..

 

 

 

 

 

4:23am……………………………………………………………………………………………….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4:41am…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5:03am……………………………………………………………………………………………………….. the holo-clock ticked over slowly as it maintained a silent vigil over the room. Liara lay with her head turned towards the clock………………………….. her body tucked into itself in the foetal position…………………………………………………. Motionless, she remained observing the time as closely as it observed her. Liara blinked slowly.

 

 

 

Fin

**Author's Note:**

> I am still quote new to the realm of fanfiction writings and I would love some feedback please.


End file.
